It is often joked that collecting and doing are two separate hobbies. For example, collecting the yarn or collecting the books and immersing yourself in the use of those things are separate activities. I think there are a few stories there. The collecting activity, well its a hit of endorphins in its way, isn't it? The hunt, the discovery, all the possibilities and dreams that come with finding your next beautiful gem. Its retail therapy but with extra benefits - that thing can have a life of its own, and you can be a part of that.
Then, in the having, as you review those things in your collection you get to relive that dazzling array. You also take a walk down memory lane in other ways, such as who it reminds you of and why, what you learned along the way, how you've changed, extraneous loosely associated memories of who you once were. I currently am rearranging a lot of my supplies - as well as reorganizing and repotting plants - and in doing so I get to re-appreciate the uniqueness of each thing, and the ideas that I had when I met them.
But this can also be a trap. When does it tip between a reasonable collection toward supporting a series of goals and ideas to random crap you picked up because you needed a hit? Do you keep it because you legitimately intend to make those things happen, or do you keep it because you feel obligated to what could have been?
You may find that you live in a balance between the ecstatic joy of big ideas, the quiet pleasures of the doing, but dragged down by the morose realization that this collection represents things that could have been: the person you wanted to be, but haven't had the time. How do you crawl out of that?
We are aware on some level that this is a fact of life. You make choices, you course correct over time, you curate, but ultimately you compromise. You trade doing what gives you joy for doing what pays the mortgage. But you DO NOT TALK ABOUT IT. So why am I talking about it? Because I felt like I needed to. Not doing so leaves you feeling isolated and like a failure. Reaching out to others is a way to create connection, and that connection is how we survive. Even for a barely masking mess like me. Pretend or 'toxic positivity' is just fake. Lets not hide.
So what can we do? Well, I mentioned curation in passing. That is always part of the equation. I don't think its the full story, but its part of the story I can control, and you can too. Let go of the things you struggle with, are sickly, or take up valuable real estate and don't give you that spark of joy. If you don't feel inclined to admire its leaves every time you water, or inspect it closely for new roots and buds, pass it on to someone else. If its sickly, or has recurring some-problem-or-other and you're afraid its a Leafy Typhoid Mary, the trash bin is recommended - it'll remove the anxiety, not to mention recurring maintenance tasks you really don't want to do. Pro tip: *do not keep the tag*.
What is the step after that? I don't know, I don't have all the answers. I suppose I just wanted you to know that if you're struggling with the balance of letting go and living life, this collector says you are not alone. We can do this together, if that would help. Share your comments and experiences, lets talk ourselves through this.
[Photo of Sinningia iriae foliage for "tax."]
